For a long time, researchers and individuals have pondered whether or not the internet and other media have helped or hurt social interaction. Have email, Facebook and text messages distanced us from each other, or have they brought us closer together?
My lifestyle and experience has led me to a firm conclusion: it depends.
Everyone has friends and a social circle around their local area. Almost everyone has a good friend or a few who lives a few hours or even states away, and media makes it easier to stay in touch.
My life is a little different. I live and work full-time in the Wichita area but travel at least half the weekends of the year, all over the country, for a hobby. Because of this, my social circle is geographically large, my good friends are far-flung, and I don't get to spend as much time as I like face to face with my local friends. Sometimes I spend more time in a month or year with "hobby" friends who live on the coasts than I do with "normal" friends who live in my hometown.
Facebook has made a revolutionary impact on my hobby group. I have close to 1300 friends, and while this probably makes me seem like a promiscuous friender, probably 3/4 of them are involved in the hobby. I have met most of them in person, and the others are friends of friends.
It's becoming common within the hobby to "friend" someone you said hi with, then get to know the person online. When we are at an event, talk often turns to Facebook. Pictures someone posted, a trip another wrote about, etc. "Hi, I'm ___________________, we're Facebook friends!" is a common refrain heard several times a day. It has, for us, been a networking tool. I've even geared my Facebook page to fostering this and getting people to talk. I often post a Question of the Day, which starts a lot of discussion and is very popular among the group!
Talking to and meeting people in person isn't too difficult. Since there is a common interest there is always something to start a conversation about. But even with these commonalities there are some obvious lifestyle and personality differences that can be intimidating for some.
For example, this spring I noticed a woman, M., who came to an event I was participating in just to help out. I was impressed by her willingness to help and wanted to thank her, but didn't have time. At least that's my excuse; the reality is that I didn't know quite what she'd think of me. M. is heavily tattooed and pierced, with short, dyed black hair. She favors baggy pants and has a wallet chain. I'm a girly girl who doesn't leave the hotel room without my makeup done, my hair done, and often in heels. A good friend had worked with M. and found her to be a cool person, so I decided to "friend" her on Facebook. We ended up commenting on each others' pages and finding out we had some very unique things in common: we both eat M&Ms and Skittles in a color order, and we would both be sea otters if given the choice. (This, thanks to "Questions of the Day.") I'm now looking forward to the next time I see M., getting to know her in person and seeing her sea otter tattoo (well...depending on where it's at!). The ice has been broken and a friendship has begun.
But for local friendships, electronic social interaction, as opposed to face to face meetings, can have a detrimental effect. My best friend from high school lives only 2 1/2 hours away. Due to both of us having hobbies and interests that take up our weekends, we haven't managed to talk much for the past several months except by email and text. I recently attended her wedding shower and felt unexpectedly sad at not having spent time with her for so long.
I think most of us will find that while the internet and social media can bridge some gaps, it can foster others. It lets us stay in touch when we can't meet in person, but we must be careful not to let it become a substitute for face time!
Briony, I LOVE YOUR POSTS! They are so thoughtful and well written!!
ReplyDeleteAs a young girl growing up as an outcast in a small town, I know that the internet saved my life.
ReplyDeleteI was able to reach out to others who liked the same things I did -- despite living across the country.
The internet was the only thing that kept me from being alone in the world.
However, it didn't substitute actual friendship. I first met one of my long-time internet friends (and by long time I mean I've known him since I was 16... a whole decade now!) when I went on a road trip across the country. It was horrifically nerve wrecking. Would he like me? Would we still laugh at the same jokes? Would we still have anything in common? Would he think me awkward and uncouth? But despite my worries, we were fast friends, just as much as we were through the internet, if not moreso.
I know my case is a rare one, but it is an example of how the internet can do great things for interpersonal relationships.
...on the other hand, it also makes me worry how accurate the recent Burlington commercial is with the mother and daughter chatting via webcam -- with the daughter in the next room. Do families really do that?